I have no idea what’s keeping me from showing my love for you. There are so many things—sweet and romantic things that I want to do for you—with you. There are so many words I want to utter, something that could make your soul melt. I want to say those three magic words but I don’t know why I just couldn’t say it. As if someone is pulling my tongue back in that leaves me with no words. It’s unfair, she said. You will lose, she insisted. I asked her, why? I asked if this is a game I have to win, or if the feeling I have right now has a limit. She approached me, rested her left arm on my left shoulder, looked away, and said: “Oh, little girl. You can say the word. You can say it’s love. And love has a limit. It ends unexpectedly, it arrives when you’re unprepared, it ends leaving you with a broken heart, sometimes even with a frayed soul.” She glanced at me and smiled but I saw the sadness in her sparkling eyes. “Always remember that love should be even. What you give is what you should get. And if you didn’t get what you have given, then you must adjust. Lessen the things you give. Lessen the feelings and time that you invest. In this way, you will never lose, will never get hurt, you won’t cry anymore, little girl. And of course this is a game. Life is a big game. There are cheaters anywhere, you will never know that your friend is lying in front of your face. There are robbers that would steal the most important thing you own. There are insidious, back fighters, and so much more. Therefore, I am telling you these… to let you enter the game prepared, armed, far from wrecking your poor little heart.” That made me so confused. What about a mother’s love for her child? What about trust? Isn’t giving your trust fully to a person means you love them deeply? I may be hurt at times or I may find myself drowning in the sea of my own tears, but I don’t just quit. I never want to quit. As long as there’s love left to give, I would offer it—I wanted to, at least. But I don’t know how. My heart is always battling with my head. Why do we have to contemplate and cling to the consequences we might face after giving our all, or why do we event think about it? Can’t we just think of the positive outcomes? Can’t we just love unconditionally? Unrequitedly? Can’t we just love? Regardless if the love we receive is as cold as a dead’s body. Regardless if the love we receive is not the love we anticipated. Regardless if the love we receive is not the love we know. Regardless if they don’t love us back. Can’t we just love? Without hesitations. Without worries. Without doubts. Can’t we just love? Wholly. Completely. Immeasurably. Can’t you just love me? SHARE THIS ARTICLE: |
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'es-theet' (n.) A person who affects great love of art, music, poetry, etc., and indifference to practical matters. El Esthete or The Aesthete in English, is where I share my Literary works, artworks, and everything else in between. Categories:
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